Gimme That Old Time Religion!

I'm having a hard time writing characters with different religious beliefs than myself. I mean, I can do it, it just always accidentally ends up being an extreme. And then it doesn't work because I end up hating my character, and I don't want to write the story of someone I hate.

I can't grasp that....normalcy, that sort of middle ground between total evangelical nightmare and creepy depressed Nihilist. Maybe because I never had it. When I was LDS, I considered myself really LDS. You know, I dotted my i's and crossed all my t's and said all my prayers and jumped through every hoop. And then when I decided that I wasn't LDS, I became an atheist. And I was really and atheist.

Now I've simply stopped caring all that much, and I'm pretty decent at being what I call a Moral Agnostic ish. So I've never really experienced that "average" religious experience for myself. I think that's why I'm having a hard time understanding the motivations, getting into the head. I simply can not be moved to do anything out of religious zeal, no matter how minor, so having my characters do it always sounds insincere.

But I really love catholicism as part of plots, it's so dark and twisty and full of fun facts and artifacts. I like the idea of a character moved by religion but not, like, the Joan of Arc, Muhammad, Moses on the mountain kind of moved. Something more subtle and introspective, but I'm having a hard time grasping it. Thus my dilemma.

On an only somewhat related note:

Sometimes I want to be Catholic. Not really for any religious reason. It has something to do with rituals and beautiful places. I was looking through old pictures of the St. Louis Basilica and I found that I really wanted to be there. Even by looking at the pictures, I felt calmer and more at ease. Even though the scholar in me knows all the historical corruption of the church (No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!) I still fall in love with the grandeur every time. The giant space filled with quiet and filtered light almost makes me want to pray. Nonsensical half formed thoughts about peace and awe.

I guess that's what they were built for, so.....way to go, guys!

But it's not just that I'm a sucker for symbolic stone architecture, the compassionate gaze of the Madonna, and stained glass windows (which, I totally am), it is the comfort of repetition. Of script. The idea of having a prayer, a chant, a mantra to repeat sort of like a verbal/mental barrier against evil or negativity is something I can get behind. Even if it only has as much power as the performer thinks it does, I still envy them that.

Now that I'm thinking about it, is that really any different than a superstition? good luck charms and such? Something physical and substantial that we can do and feel and see in order to feel better, even if just for a minute. Perhaps it's nothing more than the desired illusion of control.

So knowing that, is it weak to seek it anyway? Knowing fully that it is merely pretense? I dunno, something to think about.

Anyway, so yeah, I kinda want to be Catholic.

How did we end up here?

ps-One more reason to be catholic: a Nun's life sounds totally awesome. No hair and makeup, no room and board, no clothes shopping, no messy romance, just a life of chillin' with the sisters and community service. I could dig that.

bella notte, my dears!